Customer service, Soviet-style
I was entertained by the first instalment of Lost Cosmonaut, which is being serialised on Radio 4. I sympathise with his description of buying a railway ticket at a Russian railway station. I’ve probably only done it once, when we went from Petersburg to Novgorod – or at least I watched Olya doing it – with aplomb, naturally! But once is enough.
‘What do you want?’ she demanded.
I stammered out a request for two tickets to Kazan.
‘When?’
‘Tomorrow?’
‘Not possible,’ she said.
‘Why?’
‘I don’t have information about those trains.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t have any information about trains to Kazan leaving
tomorrow.’
‘But this is where you buy tickets for Kazan.’
‘Yes.’
‘Well, when will you have the information?’
‘Tomorrow. Come back tomorrow.’
‘But I want to go tomorrow.’
‘I know. So come back tomorrow. NEXT!’
From Lost Cosmonaut by Dan Kalder. An extract from the book is available online at the Faber website in PDF format.
I don’t think I liked the rest of the book, as read, as much, but I did like the theme tune. It didn’t take long to track it down, it is ? ????????? ?????? by the Red Elvises – from their 1999 album “Russian Bellydance”! You can listen to it here, look for “Cosmonaut Petrov”! (There is a version in English too, called Roketman, but it loses something, ?? ????? ??????…)
They’re playing in Brighton in April!