A Time And Place
I’m supposed to be going to a meeting on Thursday. The date was set back in July, but so far I don’t know where or when it’s going to take place. Here’s some advice that I hope the organizers will read in time:
Two things are required to remember for a tryst, rendezvous or appointment. It is necessary to specify (a) time, and (b) place. Let me make my meaning clear. I want to avoid all ambiguity. Suppose I tell some girl or other that I will meet her at 8.30 p.m., thus specifying (a) but not (b). What happens? She turns up promptly enough at, say, the house where Dean Swift was born in Hoey’s Court. But in the meantime I am waiting patiently in the Bull Ring, Wexford, listlessly inhaling fag after fag. Result: we fail to meet and letters of passionate recrimination are on their way in the next post.
Now let us turn from that and take the opposite case. I tell the lady to meet me outside the picture house in Skerries. Please note that in this case we are ignoring (a). She turns up at 1.18 p.m., waits for an hour and flounces off in a huff. I, however, (connoisseur of clichés that I am) put in that odd thing - an appearance - at 4.35 p.m. Again I produce the box of fags and embark on another of my lengthy incinerations. People passing say: I wonder who your man is waiting for. Your man has been standing there for an hour. Your man is up to something, that’s a certainty.
See my point? The appointment is again broken, simply because we neglected to provide for both (a) and (b). Next time your girl fails to turn up, ask yourself whether you have followed the simple rule I have outlined.
Flann O’Brien